Unrealistic expectations, disrupted routines, and an invisible burden that never turns off: understand why vacations can be exhausting for moms and how to build a season that is more humane, manageable, and healthy.
When people talk about school breaks, the image that usually comes to mind is almost always the same: happy children, sunny days, family moments, rest, and ease. But for many mothers, this fantasy is a far cry from reality. Instead of a pause, vacations arrive accompanied by an even longer list of tasks, decisions, concerns, and invisible responsibilities.
What should be a period of slowing down transforms, for countless women, into one of the most tiring times of the year. This doesn’t happen due to a lack of organization, competence, or individual effort. The root of the problem is much deeper—it is social, historical, and structural.
This article explores the challenges of the maternal mental load during vacations, the emotional and neurobiological impacts of this accumulation of responsibilities, and, most importantly, possible paths to building a period that is lighter, more realistic, and shared.
The fantasy of the “perfect vacation” vs. a mother’s reality
Collective expectations surrounding school breaks are usually high. There is an expectation that this will be a time of family connection, memorable experiences, and children who are happy all the time. However, people rarely ask: who is sustaining this emotional, logistical, and practical structure?
In most families, the answer still falls on mothers.
Planning meals, organizing outings, anticipating children’s needs, managing conflicts, keeping the house running, ensuring safety, thinking of enrichment activities, handling paid work, and still maintaining one’s own emotional balance. All of this happens simultaneously and, often, silently.
This burden doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It is the result of a model of motherhood that still assigns women the central—and almost exclusive—responsibility for the physical and emotional well-being of the family.
Maternal mental load is not individual—it is structural
Psychology and parenting studies are clear: the pressure experienced by mothers during vacations is not just domestic; it is social. It manifests in different ways depending on the socioeconomic context, but it is present in almost all realities.
- For mothers in vulnerable contexts: For many women in informal or precarious jobs, school breaks do not mean rest. They mean worry. School closes, but work continues. The anguish arises: who will look after the children? How to ensure their safety? How to maintain income? In this scenario, the challenge is not creating “enchanted” vacations, but building a basic safety net.
- For middle- and upper-class mothers: In contexts with greater access to resources, a different type of demand emerges: the pressure to provide an “extraordinary” childhood. Camps, trips, cultural activities, creative experiences, constant stimulation, and “memorable” moments—all packaged in a discourse of idealized parenting, often reinforced by social media. Free time ceases to be free. It becomes a space that needs to be filled, produced, and validated. Even rest becomes a task.
Mental load: When the brain never turns off
The maternal mental load is not just emotional. It has direct effects on brain function. In neuropsychological terms, mental load can be compared to a browser with dozens—or hundreds—of tabs open at the same time. None of them ever fully close. Everything requires partial and constant attention.
During vacation periods, this effect intensifies due to:
- Sudden changes in routine
- Children’s emotional demands
- Family events
- Social pressure
- Accumulated work
In the body, this translates into elevated levels of cortisol and adrenaline. When released continuously, they impair the function of the prefrontal cortex, the region responsible for memory, attention, planning, decision-making, and emotional regulation. This is why many mothers report frequent forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, “brain fog,” irritability, and exhaustion without an apparent cause. This is not a personal failure. It is overload.
When everything falls on the mother: Guilt and burnout
One of the most painful aspects of mental load is guilt. Even when exhausted, many mothers feel they aren’t doing enough. The logic is cruel: “Work like you don’t have children, and raise children like you don’t work.”
The result is a constant sense of debt: I didn’t enjoy it like I should have; I didn’t create enough memories; I didn’t give enough attention. But this guilt is not individual. It reveals a collective failure: a lack of division of labor, support networks, and social co-responsibility in caregiving.
The true purpose of a vacation
Contrary to the imagery of “big experiences,” the true meaning of a vacation should not be the extraordinary, but a different rhythm. Vacations are, or should be:
- Less rushing and fewer obligations
- More flexibility and more presence
Being together without pressure. Taking the day as it comes. Allowing for improvisation. Lowering the demand for “emotional productivity.” Establishing limits is essential. Saying “not today” is also an act of care. Sustaining simple days—like watching a movie together—is just as valuable as any elaborate outing.
Play without the performance
One of the keys to reducing overload is stepping down as the “Official Entertainment Director” of the vacation. Activities that promote autonomy and don’t require constant supervision are great allies. Simple ideas include:
- Practical Life Tasks: Peeling boiled eggs (sensory and functional).
- “Cleaning” Play: A spray bottle with water and a cloth to “clean” surfaces.
- Rotating Toy Stations: Offering only a few options at a time.
If a mother wants to participate, let it be out of desire—not obligation.
Kids entertaining kids: The importance of networks
Breaking the isolation is fundamental. Children benefit greatly from socializing with other children, and mothers do too. Building small networks—with family, friends, or other parents—helps share the emotional load and alternate caregiving. Caregiving should not be a solitary task.
Small habits to regulate the nervous system
The feeling of being overwhelmed isn’t solved only by major changes. Small daily practices have a deep impact on the nervous system:
- Box Breathing: (4 seconds in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 pause).
- Daily Movement: Even if brief.
- Micro-pauses: Throughout the day to reconnect.
- Total Presence: Three minutes of undistracted connection with the child.
Conclusion: Less demand, more humanity
Maternal mental load during vacations is not a sign of individual failure. It is the reflection of a model that still deposits care and emotional balance almost exclusively on women.
Making this period lighter requires both internal and external changes: less idealization, more sharing; less pressure, more support; less perfection, more truth. Taking care of mothers is taking care of families. And that cannot be the responsibility of just one person.
